50 Before 50

Curating advice for a new decade

Out of curiosity, I Googled: “50 Things To Do Before 50” and clicked on the first hit. It was an article on Oprah Daily, a website by Oprah Winfrey aimed at “making living well a daily practice.” The post served its intended purpose. It was informative, entertaining and it even made me feel for the newly-50 author who, at some points, seemed to have run out of ideas. 

It should be noted: I decided to conduct this highly important research just about a week before my own 50th birthday. It did not leave a whole lot of time to do much of anything particularly profound, forget checking 50 items off a list I had decades to complete. While I do well on a deadline and booking a trip to the Taj Mahal might have been feasible, trying to schedule it around a colonoscopy within the same 7 to 10 business days would have been a nightmare. Someone my age shouldn’t deal with that kind of stress. 

I read the article and went on about my life. That was it — until a few days before my birthday. I was thinking about the “50 Things” again and decided to do another search, curious about what other lists might be out there.

This was a journey. 

I read a blog post by a kind-looking photographer and freelance writer from the northeast of England. The majority of things on her list were things she had never done before which is why I was struck when I read that she wanted to “get up early to see a sunrise” and “stay up late to see a sunset.” Either she wanted to throw a couple of easy filler tasks on the list or she keeps a very curious schedule. Either way, I did enjoy that she also wants to “cuddle a lamb” in this lifetime.

I started to notice a lot of the lists were written by women so, in fairness, I decided to search for lists created by men. This was something I probably should be old enough to know would be a huge mistake.

One of the first rocks I turned over revealed a weasely looking creep who looked like he was straight out of central casting as the villain in any 80s movie. He compiled a list of “50 Things Every Man Should Do Once” and put both “Coach your kid’s sports team” and “Try cocaine” on the same list. Not to get off on a tangent about insufferable sports parents but that would explain a lot.

This was my sign that I had had enough Internet for one day and it was time to give up. So, I did.

Ultimately, this exercise helped me realize that beyond practical advice about diet and exercise, wellness checkups and getting one’s affairs in order — I really don’t care to waste anymore of whatever precious time I may have left in this half-century-old meat sack concerning myself with someone else’s list of “shoulds.” 

If there is one thing I’ve learned to this point in life it’s that comparision and worrying about things we feel we are “supposed to do” won’t get us very far and it definitely won’t lead to any kind of lasting happiness.

Don’t get me wrong. I think it’s wonderful to dream, to seek inspiration and to write things down; but when it truly comes to how our lives unfold, it’s an inside job. We have to figure it out for ourselves. Even when we do make lists and create plans and check boxes, life has a funny way of filling in the blanks in ways we never see coming.

For all its search results, that’s one thing Google failed to mention.

So, I made my own list and kept it pretty simple.

1.) Live.

Follow me into the depths of middle age XO, KW

This essay originally appeared in my column in the October 3, 2024 edition of the Perry Herald.