From the Horse's Mouth

Some scoop, skinny, dirt & a little tea...from me

“What happened?” It’s a question I’m commonly asked about why I left my t.v. news job. This essay was written just after I announced I was moving on. It was originally published in the October 19, 2023 edition of the Perry Herald in Perry, NY. It has been edited here to include the remarks I made on-air to announce my departure.

“As early as it was at that point in my career, I could already feel that my instinct when it came to personal information was to pull back. There was nothing I was hiding, nothing in particular that I was afraid of having exposed, it just didn’t sit well with me to have my story in someone else’s hands.”

— Lauren Graham, Have I Told You This Already: Stories I Don’t Want to Forget to Remember

                                                                    

It was about 10 a.m. last Monday when an e-mail went out to the staff of Channel 2 announcing I would be leaving the station at the end of the year, roughly coinciding with the conclusion of my current contract.

I don’t know that it was even a half hour later when the phone rang — Alan Pergament, TV columnist for The Buffalo News.

“Hi, Kate. I’m calling to confirm something…”

Alan’s call could only mean one thing: someone I work with sent him the internal station e-mail. 

Who? I don’t know and it doesn’t really matter, although the list of suspects is fairly short. Why? Well, I honestly don’t know the specifics of that either, although I have my suspicions. What I do know is that I wasn’t the slightest bit surprised.

News people. They love a scoop.

“I have to be ready,” I had just told my husband that previous weekend. 

And I was. 

I remember the first time I read Lauren Graham’s book, Have I Told You This Already? The line about wanting to tell her own story jumped off the page at me. This was years ago now. 

“Yes,” I thought.

I’m no Lauren Graham (actress and author, probably best known for playing Lorelei in the hit TV show Gilmore Girls) but I have been interviewed or written about in newspapers and a few magazines, a blog post or two and a couple of school projects.

Graham talks about interviewers often writing about the version of her they wanted or expected based on a character she played, rather than the real person. I understood what she was saying and I also vowed to make sure, going forward, I was extra mindful to not do that to anyone in my own work.

There is something very odd about reading something about yourself and not reading anything necessarily untrue but still wanting to say, “okay, but that’s not quite it.”

Making the decision to move on from my current job was comparatively easy to what I perceived as the challenge of feeling understood. 

Back on the phone with Alan after confirming the news was true, he, naturally, wanted to know why I was leaving. 

It was the moment I had turned over in my head for months. 

Thankfully, I referred to a note I had written myself that weekend. In it, I explained that while I would confirm my departure, I wanted to reserve further comment until later that day when I could speak to the audience directly on the show.

I didn’t want people who had been so supportive of the show and of me personally to hear the news from someone else. While I knew, at that point, I had already lost that battle, I also knew I still had some power to relay the rest of the story myself. 

That’s what I did.

Here is what I said on the air on Most Buffalo on October, 9 2023.

Today we have an announcement and I’ll jump right in.

I am leaving Channel 2.

With as supportive as this audience has been of this show and of me personally, and for as much as I was able to manage it — I wanted you to hear it straight from me.

A few things right off the bat: I’m not going to another station or a bigger market and, let me be really clear about this — it is not about money. 

It’s bigger than all of that. 

This decision very much comes down to wellness, well being and fulfillment.

A big part of that — for all of us — is our environment and how and where and with whom we spend our time. 

In a few weeks, I’ll mark 27 years in news and while I am incredibly grateful for the opportunities I have had and I am proud of the work I’ve done, I have always had something pulling at me — a feeling that there is something more for me outside of this industry and what really is a pretty traditional, set framework and even mindset.

I have operated inside it and now it’s time to step out.

The best I can explain is to borrow from author Elizabeth Gilbert. This really resonated with me.

She says:  “everyone who has ever changed their life or laid claim to their own destiny began by surrendering to two words: not this.”

She goes on to say, “It’s okay if you don’t know what happens next. You just have to be honest about what your deepest truth is telling you which is: Not this.

If that is what your body, heart and soul are trying to tell you: Listen.”

I have been listening, frankly, for awhile. Now, I am able to act.

Potentially, the most unsatisfying part of all of this for you may be this: I can’t tell you what I’m doing next and not because I’m not allowed to tell you or because I’m being dramatic…  but because I truly don’t know. 

I did not secretly win the lottery nor am I independently wealthy by any means and I think we’ve built the kind of rapport where I can say — yes, leaving that steady income is scary — of course it is… but I’m far more afraid of the alternative — and not believing in myself enough to follow my instincts and create a life I really want for myself.

All of what comes next is unfolding.

I’m not leaving right away. We have another couple months or so together and again — thank you for embracing this show and me. It means more than you know. 

I’m also very grateful to have be given the chance to tell you myself. 

You can watch the full segment here.

Later, when Alan updated the initial story he had written online earlier that day, he used large portions of my announcement, my exact words. I held my breath while I read through the story and breathed a sigh of relief when I got to the end. I was grateful to not really feel the need to clarify anything or explain further. 

In short, it is not about going to another station or a bigger market and it most certainly is not about money — which is what people typically think when people leave jobs.

It’s bigger than all of that.

My friend and television partner-in-crime, Maria, hit the nail on the head when she mentioned me “feeling like a square peg in a round hole.” After 27 years of trying to contort myself into a person that still fits into the news business, I’ve realized it’s not a place I really want to try to fit into anymore. 

While I value greatly the experiences and opportunities I have had and the lifelong friends I have made; it is time to move on, even if the path is uncertain.

A big lesson I have learned since making the announcement is: I am not alone. I have been overwhelmed by messages from people who either want to make a big shift in their own lives or have already taken a leap. 

The ones who have found the courage to bet on themselves tell me it is the best decision they have ever made. 

With Maria Genero, October 9, 2023