Why I shared my salary with a co-worker

A few words on the value of being a little impolite

There are some times when I feel compelled to write and this is one of them.

Let’s talk about money.

When I left my job as a news anchor in December of 2023, I was very clear to say that the reason I was leaving was not about money. It wasn’t. There’s an important clarification in that, though. It was not about money…for me. Money, however, was very much on the minds of management.

When I sat down for the first of what would really be no more than two chats about my future at the station, the subject of money did come up. Not how much I might be offered to stay, but how much I had already made. Methodically, the station’s general manager detailed the dollar amount for each of the six years I had worked there, slowly enunciating each of the numbers year. by. year. He noted that there was a “rather large jump” between my first and second contract saying simply, “I can’t do that for you.”

“Ok.” I remember saying, not at all surprised.

Being shamed for my salary is something I had not experienced before, but I realized that was exactly what he was doing. That’s what happens, I guess, with people who have something to prove. In this case, the point was rather clear: I made too much money and I wasn’t worth it. 

As I sat there regarding both the general manager and the news director, taking in their performance, it was hard not to recall the times I had been in that same office with their predecessors. 

Very importantly, I didn’t come to the station looking for a job in the first place, they came to me. Six years before, through any number of phone calls, the groundwork was laid — would I consider coming to work for them and creating some kind of show and… for what number could they make that happen?

I had no idea. The whole situation was surprising and a little scary. I wasn’t looking for a job, one found me. I worried about asking for too much money or looking too greedy and potentially losing an interesting opportunity. Then, I realized the power I had in the situation. I sat down, did a few calculations and I just went for it.

I gave them a number. I thought it was both fair and reasonable under the circumstances and there was a long pause when I told them what it was. The woman on the other end of the line exclaimed, “you know this is Buffalo?!” And I tried not to laugh thinking, “yes, and I had no intention of moving there until you came along.” 

Several months later, I was in Buffalo.

I got my number. I also signed a contract for four years which is about twice as long as the standard but I figured: why not? Take the chance. 

A lot happened in those four years including starting a whole new show, navigating a global pandemic along with falling in love and planning to get married. I started to re-evaluate my life and career and when it came time to renegotiate my contract, I wanted to do what I could to set myself up for the future. 

Again, the process felt uncomfortable, the conversation awkward but I did the thing we had  often reported that women don’t typically do: I asked for more money. I got it — the “rather large jump” carefully detailed by the new boss.

Salary is something important to all of us. It’s also something we’re told to keep quiet. It’s impolite to mention how much money we make and so we just don’t. If we’re not already rich, we’re made to feel shame around wanting more money. There’s this underlying expectation that we should all be so invested in our jobs we would just do them for free.

“You’re not just in it for the money are you?”

“Well…honestly, it’s a huge factor, actually. Yes. Do you not have bills to pay?”

Photo by Pawel Czerwinski on Unsplash

As a result of all this, it’s hard for employees to know what is standard or fair or reasonable. Even the “transparent salary ranges” are all over the place. And, I suspect, that is just the way employers like it.

Knowledge, as they say, is power and so when one of my dearest friends and colleagues (and, I honestly thought, the most qualified successor for my former role) was going through her contract negotiation I decided to have one more uncomfortable conversation about money.

I told her my salary.

I agonized about telling her. I felt awkward and uncomfortable and weird but ultimately I could not shake the feeling that I needed her to know what they had to work with. She didn’t ask, by the way. As my friend, I wanted her to have as much information as she could have in the situation so she could make the best decision for herself.

So, when all was said and done and they declined to invest in her after more than 17 years of service, she decided to leave.

I share all this for a couple reasons: first of all, I think it is important for people, especially women, to support each other, bet on themselves and ask for what they want. I also think it’s important to have real life examples of women doing just that. 

Asking for more is not easy. You should know the conversation will likely be awkward but the sad truth is: you will never get more if you do not ask for it. It’s on you to crack open the door to negotiation. It’s very likely the worst thing that will happen is you are told no and then you’ll have some decisions to make.

More importantly, though, is this: there are people who will value you and your work and will go to bat for you and there are people who won’t. It is as simple as that. I worked for two bosses in the same organization: one created opportunities for me, the other could not get rid of me (and my salary) fast enough. 

While I think it’s deplorable to lowball talented, experienced people — there is no question about that — these kinds of people typically aren’t shy about showing who they are. They’re often proud of taking a hard line and typically undervalue quality employees to justify their actions.

Because of all that, they make it pretty easy to choose another path.

We have all heard the line: “everyone is replaceable” and I heard it more than a few times in my career. It is true, but what seems to get lost is: everyone means everyone — including the employers. More and more, the workforce is making that abundantly clear. 

Personally, I felt a shift from worrying about how much money I could make to how much I actually need to enjoy my life and what I would have to do to live comfortably for me. There’s a power shift that comes with that as well, a whole different kind of currency.

It may not be polite to talk about money or tell stories that could have stayed behind closed doors but the question is: who benefits from that? If any of us can use our knowledge and our voices to empower and support others, even if it feels weird or uncomfortable — I don’t know..

I think it’s worth it.